ARCHIVE Amie Norman Walker · CASTLE IN THE INTERNET’S BASEMENT · 01/2019 · 5 poems: Put out my light, snuff the whisper I place on your shoulders / Be the wind that blows out my candle right. Nathaniel Duggan · DEAD JELLYFISH MASK · 01/2019 · 500-word vignette: Do you remember all your childhood birthday parties? My face was turning to confetti. Ilario Meyer and Sean Kilpatrick · THE ARTIFACT FAN FICTION // CRIT · 12/2018 · 1.3K-word fan fiction and criticism: Our sacred text shows how 22 ancestral Eves rode their motorcycles on the lost highway between Moscow and Pudong and slowly relit the pathways, bootstrapping myelin sheathes and mothering humans with machine intelligence. Alexei Beaumaïs · THE REPORTER · 12/2018 · 3.5K-word Pynchoneseque metafiction: If anyone has information on the whereabouts of Wernher von Neumann, please contact law enforcement or Dr. Jeremiah Shifflet’s personal assistant at the College of Agriculture, Wyoming. Sean Kilpatrick · DOUBLE REVIEW – THE TWO SEXIEST ATTICISTS IN MAINSTREAM LIT (THEY BELONG TOGETHER IN EACH OTHER’S ARMS) · 11/2018 · 2.8K-word double review: Art is the religion religion submits to. Katherine Beaman · PIZZA PIE · 10/2018 · 700-word story: She took her purchases out of the bag and held them in her arms, then pulled the bag over her head and blindly walked on. Ryan Napier · FIVE MINOR MODERNISTS · 10/2018 · 2K-word biographies: Monet’s sluggish rivers and lifeless flowers represent the extent of man’s capacity for cowardice and mediocrity. Matt Lee · THE JEW APE · 09/2018 · 1.5K-word story: If you asked him why he shaved his eyebrows, he’d explain that it was so nobody could tell how he was feeling. Sean Kilpatrick · GAY THE LAME WAY: A SENTIMENTAL TRIPTYCH (MORAL PANIC TAPS A BLUE, CHECK MARKED VEIN, GAMERGATE MAGIC REALISM, AND THE RURAL HEARTJOB) · 08/2018 · 3.8K-word book review / bullshit round-up: I aim to effectuate the meanest and most sublime revenge against the contemporary crossing guards of lit. Li Zhuo · OBSERVATIONS UPON THE MUSCOVITES · 08/2018 · 2.5K-word travelogue: Before vanishing at Solyanka, Chad was telling a French girl over martinis that he’s a “Darwinist”; he believes that reveling in the monkey descent of humans — thinking really hard over it — entitles him to this designation. Matthew Spencer · SPECIAL DIET (ANTINATALISM) · 08/2018 · 2.5K-word story: “To be blunt, I don’t have that desire. It just leads to more people.” Big Bruiser Dope Boy · MRS. DOUBTFIRE 2 · 07/2018 · movie announcement: In which Mrs. Doubtfire hitches a ride on an errant drone, face flapping, shouting “Halloooo” at the top of her voice—pan out to the silent desert. Sean Kilpatrick · DEATH & FACEBOOK · 07/2018 · 1.5K-word novel review: baal does work a scratch and sniff cemetery below the medium. I apologize for demanding a denser population from its sepulcher. Lee Levinson · AN INHUMANE RESPONSE TO HUMANISM · 07/2018 · poem: Never to allow yourself to be guided / or forced / upon the cliffs of sovereign onanism, / But actively seeking out that edge / of everywhere / for your own black obsidian. Garett Strickland · from PATIENCE AS METAPHOR · 06/2018 · 800-word thing: They are farming in a learned passivity draped across divans nestled under duvets of apartments their presence makes nice. Ryan Napier · THE TRIUMPH OF RELIGION · 06/2018 · 4.7K-word story: St. Aldo was lucky: getting gored by a stag was much easier than learning to meditate. Sean Kilpatrick · GIL THE NIHILIST: A SITCOM: THE PLAY · 06/2018 · 7.5K-word play: I cried because the fire was beautiful, not because I loved my house. Li Zhuo · ZHICHUNLU STATION · 05/2018 · 7.8K-word story: With Google Maps behind the Great Firewall, I was like a crippled bat trying to echolocate between residential towers, parking garages, hair salons, dumpling stands, pool halls, noodle shops, and Homelink stores, all low-res in Beijing’s haze of exhaust and coal smog. Cornelius Fitz · MERE OBLIVION · 05/2018 · 1.7K-word fiction: Yes, he’d dallied with transspeciesism, but where some saw infamy, others felt him to be a pioneer. At a time of mass extinction, being trumped all. Ivan Ivanovich Bartek · EXTREMISM IN OUR COMMUNITY · 05/2018 · 2K-word fiction: Is his act the product of a sick mind? Or is it the headwind of our collective failing of at-risk, mentally ill teenagers? Jesse Miksic · RISING HEAT INTO FALLING LEAVES · 05/2018 · 4 poems: Where circles are closed / And we join corners that / Were never meant to meet Lee Levinson · VIOLENCE, IT’S WHAT’S EATING YOUR DINNER · 04/2018 · 2K-word essay: Man’s hidden agenda, most of the time being hidden from his true self, is freedom of maximum violence enacted upon his own special reflection. Germán Sierra · CONTROL SUBJECT · 04/2018 · 1.2K-word novella excerpt: People confronting the machines had found a way to ignore themselves and join the mechanism, to let their fate dissolve into manipulated randomness like ascetic monks used to leave their destiny to the unknowable will of God. Sean Kilpatrick · SATANIC HAMLET, STARRING AUBREY PLAZA · 04/2018 · 2.5K-word movie review: Hopping out of her sex, past the nineteenth century (or so) theory laid out in Edward P. Vining’s book The Mystery of Hamlet (Hamlet as a bratty teen lady – Asta Nielson resemblance notwithstanding), Plaza plays Hamlet as a resentful, cynical Klaus Kinski-aping nihilistic future school shooter. Rudolph Kline · BABU’S TEXTOLOGY · 02/2018 · 9K-word alternate history story: I am here before you, a President among his citizens, to tell you that what happens in the boardroom of an Indian company has nothing to do with our values as Americans or what happens in our bedrooms. Anon #1 · THE ROAD TEST · 11/2017 · 1500-word cartoon story: He didn’t know whether the radio hotline with Mindy’s voice existed or whether he had tapped into some kind of clairvoyance, but he said a prayer to Joseph Smith, or at least had positive, vaguely spiritual thoughts (with scrolls and trees of life) towards him.